Madman

I think you’d be intrigued to know that I am certified by science to sell you things…

In fact, a very prestigious institution sold me a piece of paper proving said certification in exchange for many, many souls, plus interest. What a bargain!

If you’d like, I can be hired to rip holes in people’s hearts and fill them with plastics, toxins, sex, etc. I am very good at what I do! 

Nevermind the objects littering your living room. Soon they’ll be moved to the bins out back. Those voids you can’t avoid—our proudest invention!

If I were you, I’d be thinking, what progress we’ve made! Ads adding adding adding. Some trillions now. Such VALUE! 

Overwhelmed? Don’t be! You are a villain too, given there are only villainous options. That means we are all absolved. What a relieving thought!

Nobody is stopping you from becoming a cubicle refugee of the class wars. The machina system would be sorry to lose you (if it could)!

I wonder, what would you do with all that time? Perhaps make a visit to your local little free library? Reading is the best way to get informed, you know.

Say, do these words feel nice across your conscience? Can I interest you in a moment of peace and quiet?